I’m Mad at Jane Fonda


I like Jane Fonda, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a huge fan, but there is a lot to admire.


I like that she has been a bad ass protester her entire life, and continues to be engaged. I appreciate hat she has been candid about her struggles with eating disorders and depression. She looks great, and at 84 she is still thriving and relevant, no mean feat for a woman is Hollywood. I’m happy for her, I really am. But I am really mad at her right now and I need to vent.


I just read an article in Vogue about her latest campaign for H&M's movement collection. As an advocate of exercise for a healthy body, this collaboration makes perfect sense. Again, I’m happy for her. I love that she thanks her strong thighs for helping her get out of a car gracefully, and her focus on movement and flexibility allows her to still move comfortably. That's amazing.


Where she lost me, however, is that she is lying about what she’s done to her face. Everyone is applauding her bravery for admitting that she had a facelift in her 40’s. I applaud her honesty as well.

The pressure to look young and a certain way is a struggle all women encounter. I can't imagine the heightened pressure a woman would endure in the limelight. But now she’s being touted as some kind of hero for rejecting plastic surgery. Yes, she’ not going under the knife , but has she embraced and embracing healthy aging? Not quite. That is not a natural face. Maybe she isn’t getting plastic surgery, but that is a face full of injections. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting fillers if that makes you feel better. We should be able to do anything we want , but please don't lie about it. She says that she gets lots of sleep and laughs with her friends. Great, but that still doesn't create a puffed up face. Look what you made me do Jane Fonda. Now I’m a woman criticizing another women for what she’s done to her face and that’s not the point! Damn you. Do whatever you want to your face if that makes you feel better. If you want to do botox or filler or go under the knife, it should be an individual choice. Just don’t lie and pretend that you're not doing it and tout yourself as the poster girl for graceful and natural aging, okay?

Sigh.

53 Is Kicking My Ass


I turned 53 in May, and tried not to get too neurotic about it. I went for a heavenly massage (which should be required for everyone’s birthday),had Chinese take-out with The Sweetie, and finished the night with a bubble bath. My girlfriends spoiled me. I felt like a lucky gal.


I never want to complain about getting older, being fully aware of the alternative. I whine a lot about how quickly time flies, but I don’t want to whine about getting old. I’m still a fan of living. I am now two and a half months into my 53th year and I have to say it is steadily kicking my ass. Nothing huge that I can’t handle, but little irritations that have been making me pause. First it was an epic hangover that should only be experienced by a teeenager who doesn’t know better. I was ashamed enough to put my beloved bourbon on the shelf for a while. Then I developed a disgusting growth on my eyelid. Kind of like a sty, but even more gross. It’s called blepharitis - don’t look it up!

It actually made me buy an eyepatch because I figured it would be less alarming to look like a pirate than like I’m growing another head on my eyelid. Just as my eye healed I had an allergic reaction to a bug bite on my face while camping so I looked like I’d been in a bar fight. Then my back went out and I had to spend a week sleeping on the floor with ice packs. Then The Sweetie made the fatal mistake of showing me a video of me hoisting myself inelegantly on a dock, in my bathing suit, and I burst into tears. Somehow I’d deluded myself into thinking that my covid weight gain wasn't that obvious. Then I got Covid. I really thought I’d be one of the last people who managed to not get it but it got me after all and I feel like my body is trying to move through cement.


See? Nothing fatal, but slow bleed by papercuts. A not so gentle reminder that this body I’m carrying around is more fragile than I like to think and maybe my fourteen year old boy lifestyle needs to change. Perhaps Doritos, bourbon and Netflix isn’t the winning combination I thought it was. It’s time to finally do an overhaul. I guess I can be called a late adapter, but better late than never, right? It is easy to make these proclamations when you are still flat on your back and unable to follow through. When I was lying on my ice packs I vowed that I would start doing yoga and core exercises as soon as I could move again. Now that I am experiencing covid fatigue I am vowing that I’ll start exercising as soon as I can walk across the room without feeling pooped. Hopefully the vows will stick. I have a feeling my 53 year old self is sending me a clear message that I need to make some positive changes. Maybe it’s trying to kick my ass so that I will start to kick back.

JLo and Her Microcurrent Glow

I have a hard time accepting that JLo and I are the same age. I’m in awe of her. The discipline! The drive! The confidence! Those bikini shots! And of course that signature glowing skin.


We couldn’t be more opposite. While she is all glamour and sexiness, I am a slow moving, fade in the woodwork kind of gal who hasn’t worn a bikini since I was ten, and I was probably already self conscious then.


You know what my gal JLo and I have in common though? We’re both fans of microcurrent. There are numerous celebrities who credit microcurrent facials as their secret weapon for glowing skin and a natural facelift to get them red carpet ready. Jennifer Lopez is such a huge microcurrent convert that she purchased her own machine and apparently never leaves home without it. Not sure if she took it on her Parisian honeymoon with Ben Affleck. Hopefully the honeymoon glow will be enough to sustain her until she gets back home. Just look at how ecstatic Ben looks!